The Task

The Task
By: Vanessa L. Convard
January 13, 2005

Outside the doors thunder rocked and lighting streaked. My focused world was silent. Cascading waterfalls splashed down my windows giving off an eerie mirror effect. At moments I would catch a glimpse of movement just beyond my narrow vision. Adrenaline would throb through my veins for an instant, until I would look up and see only my own harrowed face.It was about one o'clock in the morning. I think. I'm not sure when I had last come across a clock. There wasn't a spell to waste. My stomach whispered its anger of my neglect and my tongue stuck to my gritted teeth. What did I care? I had work to do.
The demanding task had captured my attention earlier in the evening. At the time my intentions were simple: I would complete just the basics. Then curl under the covers and retire for the night. Hours later, my teeth un-brushed, mascara smearing, I continued staring at my foe. It would not back down. It had me seized; we both knew I had no escape. Although I repeatedly told my feet to move, they would not budge. They were as cemented to the ground as my mind was to the task.
Ah! Another piece! Ha! Ha! My mind yelped with glee. Three hundred and twenty down, six hundred and eighty to go. I was another step closer to my goal. Maybe now I could get some rest. A sigh of relief had just enough time to escape my parched throat before my muscles tensed in anticipation once again.I really needed to use the bathroom.
Right after I find this next piece...

The Most Expensive Piece of Paper Ever

It's currently 12:20 am. Due to much loss of sleep (play on words, haha) I've recently made the decision not to bother trying. If I can't sleep I'm just going to get up and do something until my eyes burn.
Tonight I could not sleep over school.
I NEED to get my DEGREE!!! NEED!!! Biggest mistake of my life (I admit it, mom) was dropping out. Okay, I take that back (sorry, mom), it really wasn't a mistake. I knew so much less about teaching while I was in school learning to teach. I have learned immensely more in my 2 1/2 years as a TA then in my 4 1/2 years at various universities. This confirms for me that teaching is really more of a trade, and should be treated as such, but whatever. My biggest mistake would be not going back when the opportunity to do so presents itself to me. Like now. I feel a knocking at the door of educational opportunity (there is also a scratching at the window of traveling abroad, but we'll put that on the back burner for now). I have no choice but to postpone my wedding until my father returns from Kuwait (we think Kuwait b/c Aunt Beech has dreamt it, and if I trust anyone's dreams I trust hers). That could be between 1-2 years. Also, I happen to be aware that I could qualify for a Pell Grant if I quit my job and moved in with Chris. It would seem then on paper I would have all these bills, but no income. Okay, I would have all these bills and no income, but not nearly the bills I'd have if I didn't shack up with my fiance. So, I'm thinking maybe in July I will go ahead and move in with Chris. Then quit work and go back to school full time. I can totally hack 6 classes a semester (if they don't have conflicting schedules). I could have my bachelor's within a year and a half! Chris and I would have to seriously scale back on spending, but I think we can handle it. It's my education, after all! Doesn't that mean more? And I've been sooo depressed about this. I go up down on this one. Sometimes I don't think about it much, like I know I'll get around to it. Other times it hits me so hard my lack of degree is all I can think about (exhibit A: I need to wake in 5 1/2 hours). Each time the depression hits, it hits harder. I am going to have a fit if I don't get my degree ASAP. At this point I'd be willing to give up everything, anything, all things just to have my degree. Money? I'll make it when I graduate. Social life? My friends are great, they'll be patient. Marriage? You want to marry me poor or with some financial stability? Am I right? I'm right. Let me know what you think.